A day of tears got me thinking that there are things that got out of hand.. Things that girls wouldn’t understand.. things like the other half’s ego.. to think that I was that insensitive.
I never wanted him to get hurt, or do anything that would hurt him.. I love him, yes, and I’m unaware that love is just the super glue for couples to have something to hold on or to have something as a foundation to prevent things from falling apart.. and I’m fucking scared that it might wear off with all the stupid things I’m planning to do that I thought would make us better.. that would make him better or feel good on most days.. and fuck, I’m right.. now it’s gone.
I am insensitive. I know.. but I can change. There’s plenty of room for change. I’m still young (20 years young to be exact).. I just wished he gave us millions of chances before completely letting go.. I love him more than my fucking pride or whatsoever you call that thing that would keep you from writing these kind of things or to make you realize that you did something wrong. I loved him.. never would I deny it.
I was too eager to salvage our fucking relationship that I got lost.. never left a piece to keep myself afloat. He’s pulling me down.. pulled me down.. so I’m trying my best to pull myself back up.. trying to recover after he sent that “BREAK UP” text message last Sunday night. Pathetic. And I just want to hit myself hard for texting him messages that made me look even more pathetic. Listen to this, just so you know what happened that night:
Almost the same.. I love this song.
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
What the fuck. To think that I got blinded by the love that enveloped my heart.. by the love that was never there.. by the love from the idea of falling in love.. by the words of love that we’re never expressed right and went by as words.. by the love that almost consumed my whole being. Fuck. But I would never regret that I was once that stupid. I loved it..
I am known as the girl who easily forgets.. I could move on that fast if it’s really needed, you know? It’s like three days now and I am no longer crying. I’m too tired to cry.. too strong to die. I know I got suicidal a few days ago but that’s it. My college friends are the BEST! I wish they’re all my boyfriends. Ha! I love them!!! What’s there to be sad about when they all got that aura that is too contagious? I’m lucky to have them.. and my family. After I told them that I’m no longer with him, they said that it’s okay and told me that I’ll meet someone better. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!! But sometimes I don’t.. but they’re also one of those people who keeps me going, so there.. I am blessed.
I am optimistic. Very. I know I’m not yet ready to meet someone new.. but I’m not going to miss any opportunity. HAHA! Maybe next week, next month, I’ll meet someone that can be strong for me when I am not so strong myself.. I can still see myself crying over this relationship I once had with my former boyfriend, but fuck, meeting the guy who is DESERVING to feel my love? I would never miss it for the world!
I love him. He’s a rare find. But he cares too much on what he thinks I think. I loved him.. and I know I’d be laughing my ass off once I get over this and once I back read my heartbreak posts.. I will definitely miss him.. all of him.
I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST! HA! FUCK YOU AND YOUR EGO!