His eyes were filled with emotions.. indefinite.. yet aggressive.
I looked down and held his hands.. cold and shaking.. I am doing this.
I told him that I have waited long. I held him tight, knowing that letting him go will not do me any good. I gulped more air, felt like I’m drowning in fear. My mind is going through a lot right now.. and I did what has to be done. I kissed him, full on the mouth, and embraced him like it’s the last time I’m seeing him..
“Tangina, tama na ‘yan. Ang haba na ng pila!”
Some old fag just raised his finger. It’s time.
He smirked, held me tighter, and jumped off the fucking cliff.
I shut my eyes and said all the things in my head..
“I love you, baby! Don’t you dare let go of my hand!!”
I heard him laugh. Choppy. Like we’re on a phone call. A hard buzz on my ear. I died laughing.
“Babe, nag-enjoy ka ba? Ang drama mo kanina.”
Fuck yous are all I can think about. I wished I killed him. I told him I’m afraid of heights. He’s that insensitive. I frowned. Made faces. I swear I would’ve puked on him.
“I hate you.”
“Tara, we’ll buy some ice cream.”
He kissed me full on the mouth, brushed my hair, and scooped me by the waist. I love him..
“O, inumin mo na gamot mo. Kung anu-ano na naman iniisip mo, baka makapatay ka na naman.. baka ako pa magsubo sa’yo nyan? Hindi lang ikaw ang pasyente dito!”
I took my meds, stared blankly ahead, and dreamt of that guy whom I’ve killed in my head.