If you ever see me looking at you..
Once, twice, thrice.. I like you.
I’m single since 2009. Hooray!
But I’m not really sure if we broke up that year or the year after coz my previous boyfriend and I never really talked or mentioned that we’re done. Not that we hated each other that it ended that way.. It’s just too painful to say it to the face when you know you never wanted to be separated from each other.. People change. People do things that the other would never ever forgive. It saddens me to think that I wasn’t enough and he just couldn’t wait for things to happen. That’s why it ended. It has to end. Things just don’t happen the way we wanted it to happen.. They had it. And I’m just not that ready to give him what he wanted.. So I left. He left. We’re done. Atleast I’m still young and free.. Free from whatever stress life would give if were still together.. with another.
Well, I’m happy for them. For him. For all the things that happened.. I’m thankful that I’ve met him.. thankful for all the things that we’ve shared emotionally and for all the songs that he taught me. I loved him. And I am happy I did.
This entry is not about my previous boyfriend or some guy that I liked before.. That was just a brief history-slash-introduction.
This is all about why I’m single, and why sometimes I wanted a boyfriend.
Going to school, I encounter people walking with partners by the hand, some by themselves. At school, I see students and teachers sprinting their way to their respective rooms and school officials doing their businesses. I see myself walking, listening to T&S, looking straight down the path to my building, walking by the beat, carrying my bag on my back as it slowly stiffens my bones and continues to get heavier each step. I need a boyfriend. Damn, I really need a boyfriend.
My friend and I would kid around, saying that our bag is heavy, that we need someone to get our wallets from our bags, to carry our books, to buy us our food, and that person we needed is a boyfriend. BOYFRIEND. Fuck it. I need a boyfriend.
People would totally agree on the notion that men should serve women wholeheartedly. But fuck it! I thought people, both men and women, LGBT, are now EQUAL?! If men would refuse to carry someone else’s bag, it’s cool. So why do I need a boyfriend? That’s stupid. Out of parameters.
I need a boyfriend for me to be expressive and to not waste my powerful verbal and nonverbal sweetness. I am aggressive. Not that I’d fuck that guy or whatever. In fact, I still am a virgin sticking to the words that goes like this..
“You should only have sexual intercourse after marriage and with the person whom you love so so super duper much!”
Okay. I know people nowadays are liberated, blahblah, but I’m cool with it. As long as you don’t ridicule my way of thinking and beliefs, we’re good. We can be friends or whatever. Just don’t fuck me behind or else we’re done.
I’m game with all the kissing and hugging and all that gf-bf stuff. But please, don’t ever ever do PDA with me. Never. NEVER! Holding hands is fine, but I’m really not comfy with face-to-face-almost-kissing positions. Get it? I want a guy who would act like he’s my bestfriend. I hate it when a guy gets clingy and all that shit. Ugh, feels like I’m the man and he’s the girl. I need someone who’s mature but can make fun of himself. I need someone who knows his limitations and knows how to take risks. I need someone who can talk and laugh with me without any hesistations, especially whenever he’s with my family and vice versa. I need someone who can be with my friends but knows when to say that we need some bf-gf time. I would really want a guy who would listen to my unending stories. A guy who would appreciate the songs I’m writing.. I need someone who can love me with all his heart, and someone who can stay even if sometimes I’m a horrible evil bitch.
What I really want to point out is that there are a lot of reasons why I am like this. Why I sometimes love being single (Please read Part 1) is my alter ego speaking. People say that they love me. But my friend told me that this entry is too long so I guess I’ll just end this shit and just let you people hang for Part 4. Hoorah! :D
FU, CRUSH! FU FOR BEING TOO NUMB AND DUMB!!! NOW I HATE YOU ALL THE SAME!! KBYE.